18 February 2014

Feburary 18, 2013: A retrospect



Last year I committed myself to doing something that terrified me. Something that could have potentially ruined multiple friendships.
Yet something necessary.
A year ago today, I did it, and got the best case scenario.
The day afterwards, I wrote this.


The time has finally come
To bite the bullet and hope it doesn’t explode in my face
Long have I awaited this day
-Too long, long enough
Dreaded it, craved it.
A simple answer is all I seek,
To know which way to turn on the path forward.
Where to plant my feet on my next step.
She leans, waits.
-Perhaps she already knows.
I grow cold as the words spill out, and I know there is no turning back
It is time to face the consequences, whatever they may be.
I know it won’t turn out perfectly for me.
If it could, it would have already.
-But I need this, to erase one last regret.
Better to regret doing it than not
However painful the outcome may be.
She smiles sadly, and answers.
The best I could have hoped for.
Everything risked, but nothing lost.
A few quiet words exchanged afterwards, I say my thanks
Though I can’t remember If they left my head.
The feelings fade, knowing now nothing will come of them.
But she will always be more than just a friend. She will be the friend who gave me what I needed most,
Not because of something she did
but
Simply because of who she was.
Because
On that day, I stopped being a coward.
Stopped hating myself for what I failed to do.
Knew I could do it again.
Because I did, I bit the bullet.
And it didn’t go off.

14 February 2014

An Open Letter to My Valentine

Dearest Valentine,
I have a few women in my life. They are all genuinely awesome people, and I care for all of them. I am glad to be able to call them my friends.
But they are not you. You are more than a friend. You are the the one person I will be in love with for life, that state of true, mutual attraction that reaches the top of a hard-to-define scale so many poets have tried to describe.
We enjoy each others company. We get each others jokes, share each others woes, and just being around you makes me feel at ease, like the world is truly a place where miracles can happen.
I long to be with you, to hold your hand in mine, to see the smile upon your beautiful face as you look upon mine.
You are the Kyoko to my Sayaka, except straight, 'cause I'm a guy.
You are not the Juliet to my Romeo, because that play was just depressing.
And yet... I do not know you. Or if I do, you have yet to reveal yourself.
If it's not too much trouble, could we meet sometime soon? I know we have our entire lives, but every moment spent without you seems an eternity.
(And I don't know about you, but it'll take me somewhere between a week and 12 months to realize you are who you are, so I'd like to get on that as soon as we can manage it. Let me know when you're free and I'll find some time in my schedule.)
I write this in the hopes that one day you will look back and read it. I know I'll have many other opportunities to say it, but I want to say it now as well because it cannot be said enough.
Happy Valentines Day. I love you.