Feburary 18, 2013: A retrospect

Last year I committed myself to doing something that terrified me. Something that could have potentially ruined multiple friendships.
Yet something necessary.
A year ago today, I did it, and got the best case scenario.
The day afterwards, I wrote this.

The time has finally come

To bite the bullet and hope it doesn’t explode in my face

Long have I awaited this day

-Too long, long enough

Dreaded it, craved it.

A simple answer is all I seek,

To know which way to turn on the path forward.

Where to plant my feet on my next step.

She leans, waits.

-Perhaps she already knows.

I grow cold as the words spill out, and I know there is no turning back

It is time to face the consequences, whatever they may be.

I know it won’t turn out perfectly for me.

If it could, it would have already.

-But I need this, to erase one last regret.

Better to regret doing it than not

However painful the outcome may be.

She smiles sadly, and answers.

The best I could have hoped for.

Everything risked, but nothing lost.

A few quiet words exchanged afterwards, I say my thanks

Though I can’t remember If they left my head.

The feelings fade, knowing now nothing will come of them.

But she will always be more than just a friend. She will be the friend who gave me what I needed most,

Not because of something she did

but

Simply because of who she was.

Because

On that day, I stopped being a coward.

Stopped hating myself for what I failed to do.

Knew I could do it again.

Because I did, I bit the bullet.

And it didn’t go off.